November 2010
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i lock the old me in a box and keep her under my...
i’ve made more mistakes these past months than i have in 19 years.
at a point where there’s still time to make it better but not possible to go back to the way things used to be.
i found an old box filled with pictures from not too many years ago. i found letters from old loves that didn’t last too long. i found souvenirs and coins; simplistic reminders of times i wished would...
October 2010
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lovewhimsy asked: your tumblr is lovely. I tumble for myself as well; it's a nice creative outlet. I'm looking forward to seeing your future posts! (:
hose-ay asked: Nah uhs, SHUT UP!!! Im in City College of San Francisco. Umm are you going to the fresno event this saturday?
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characters to place in my novel.
i like to sit in public places and watch people, and i mean that in a not-so-creepy- way. i’m always intrigued by so many human beings. i can sit for hours imagining what it must be like to live in their shoes. i pace back in forth in my mind wondering what struggles they’ve been through, whats their dreams and aspirations are, what their motivation to keep living is. i like to pick at...
hose-ay asked: Cute blog!
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wrote these words a fucked up february ago.
I sit in the old chair, just watching you watch me out of the corner of my eye. I close both eyes and take a deep breath, and i wonder what you’re thinking as you sit there so timidly and stare. When i manage to turn around and look your way, you turn the other or act as if you weren’t watching. I wonder what you’re thinking. Are you wondering how i am doing? Because chances...
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confession
je ne peux pas vous promettre pour toujours quand attend demain toujours, je peux vous promettre ce moment. je vous aime et je ne peux pas attendre de me réveiller par votre côté.
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sunsets and planes.
I wanted to run back to you, leap across and hug you like you’ve never been hugged before. Instead i sat in my desk the way i do daily, head down, music on blast muffling every single person in the room. I admit that some days the pain killers ease the pain in my body,but i’ve come to find that they can’t ease the pain in my heart. Vicodin cannot soothe these wounds, just like...
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love lost at sea.
i wonder how many girls you have loved.
how many girls you’ve said similar things to.
promises and secrets.
i’m not going to lie.
there was someone before you.
i also loved him
not like you.
it’s different.
maybe this won’t last.
tomorrow it can bend and break.
not everyone that loves can nourish such a feeling.
perhaps it won’t grow.
tomorrow i will no...
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Basically, I wish that you loved me
at the same time i loved you.
we spent eternity evading reality; you and i linked under one feeling.
i don’t blame you, i’m just as guilty.
for the longest time i’ve lived feeling undeserving.
never good enough.
you were right about me.
i was too blind to see it then.
i do now.
i do.
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epiphany
i’m making plans again.
you know what that means, i’ve either gone mad or i’m at ease. the truth is i don’t which this time.
i know that for now, the moment i’m in im going to try and make the most out of it.
i’m making plans and they’re nowhere near scheduled because, lets be honest, i’ve never been good with planners.
by plans i mean goals,...
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i do this from time to time.
here’s a list of my top songs on repeat for the past week or so.( no particular order)these are put on here mainly due to their lovely lyrics.
1. the planets bend between us by snow patrol
2. seer’s tower by sufjan stevens
3. everybody’s gotta learn sometime by beck
4. connect the dots by the spill canvas
5. inevitable by anberlin
6. 8105 by moving mountains
7. sputter by...
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the past and future
I wanted to lay next to you. Feel your warmth against my warmth. Let the planets spin out of orbit and collide; at least i’d have my last moments with you. I wanted to hold your hand and shout from the busiest corner in all of LA that i love you. I wanted to swim rivers and across oceans just to smell your morning scent; reminder of the mornings i’d wake up next to you. I wanted to be...
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myliverhatesyou asked: Thank you for the follow. :]
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“I’d rather learn from one bird how to sing than to teach ten thousand...”
– e. e. cummings
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nihilism
I feel as if i’m waiting too long on something that is slowly crawling itself over to me. What is it exactly? I’m still unsure of myself. I have this tendency to wait upon a change, a new memory, a new person to come into my life, a new addiction, new, new new. Thats all i’m waiting on. It gets to the point in which i ask myself if my life is really generic enough to have me at...
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The planets bend between us, a hundred million...
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i love you
i’m feeling like i forgot to breathe.
every inch of my body feels warm and jittery.
i’m smiling, and on the verge of tears.
feeling like a kid at the candy shop.
its a whirlwind, its a tornado inside.
my heart wants to pound its way out of my ribcage.
all because he finally said ” je’taime”
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there is no ever after
we used to sneak out before the sun came out. hiding in your car playing our favorite songs. you’d sing to me in my ear, you’d whisper that no one ever made you feel this way before. i remember getting caught in parking lots and the trouble we’d go through to let our families approve. you’d write letters to me and i’d write songs for you.we’d stay up late and...
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I'm just about done trying to talk and reaching...
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weak...end
Waking up at four a.m. vomiting because my headache was that bad.
I finally ended up in the emergency room this morning, three hours and back on medication and observation for another month.
I honestly didn’t want to go but i agreed nonetheless for my mother out of all people and because to be honest the nausea and dizziness isn’t my favorite thing in the world.
Following that,we...
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in my dreams i can't be saved.
Waking up in sweat gasping for air.
Its the worst feeling to have; just when i thought the nightmares were over the anxiety episodes return.
manic
frantic
and they get worse every time.
There’s always blood, hand reached upon my thighs.
grasping
pullling
beating
and i lose every time.
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“i don’t know the first thing about love.”
– thrice 