April 2010
brittle
My body is losing its strength. This week has consisted of being in bed for countless hours in pain. Unable to get up without the aching, without the dizziness. Pain killers won’t even seem to do much. Lack of hunger, lack of interest in many things including being out doors. This has lead me to being monitored again. ” if you don’t eat Denizee, you’re going to end up in...
Love
One day I’m going to be free darling.
We’ll walk
Side by side by the sea.
Whisper in my ear, look me in the eyes the only way you know how.
Keep the moon company as we stay up playing in the sheets.
It won’t be necessary to have sex
Hold me tightly and let’s be intimate innocently.
Like two Sunday school kids
Come love me baby
In the morning we will hear the birds...
because only when i sleep i hear you
i’ve seen men cry like children.
i’ve seen hearts break religiously.
i ask myself, am i alive, am i still here.
silence.
when i write is when i feel.
talk to me talk to me darling.
whisper in my ear.
don’t you dare let me break like those men i’ve seen.
keep my heart beating.
love me, for me.
Brand New - Tatou
mural at ucsc. dont steal.
Konstantine by Something Corporate<3
and your...
we loved; we poisoned.
subliminal
I had been taking a break from myself lately; which included the lack of posts on here.
any how, these past..two, three days, not sure how many. I’ve been thinking about one’s childhood. relating it back to my psychology class, talks with friends and experience. I’ve noticed so many things that people do to us in our childhood have a major impact in shaping who we become in the...
He stared straight into her eyes; she slowly turned away.
I could have sworn he ate her soul right then and there.
Letters to Alexander
Dearest,
You have been the one person who can keep me going when I throw my hands in the air and say, “I quit”. I know you’re scared, I know you’re all caught up in your head and right now all you need is to find some reassurance. Nothing to fear I’m here. I know I’m not enough to make it all better; the least I can do is be here unconditionally and tell you how much I love you and support you in...
ecstacy szerelem
I feel guilt for your downfall. I know the decisions you made were not forced upon by me, but after awhile i just gave up on you. I realize that when i did i was also giving up on our friendships and on the promise we made. I would give my entire life to go back to those days, but here is no use in regret. We were just too damn young. Naiveness got the best of us both. who were we; with our hearts...
imprisoned state of mind
Today while walking around the shoreline, watching the waves fall and rise; i realized its been a long time since i’ve felt so free. The air was sooting to my lungs, it was a much better feeling than the cigarettes i’d puff before. The sun illuminating the trail of rocks and hitting my skin in such a way that i felt i wanted to be timeless. Sitting by the sea shore and just admiring...
You’ll find it hiding in shadows...
trapt
Last night after a conversation via text with a friend i caught myself grasping for air. Like someone was suffocating me by putting a pillow over my face. I tried moving and moving. The only part of me that barely twitched was my head, for everything else remained paralyzed. I tried to open my eyes but they were glued together. I was awake, i was conscious, and i could hear myself talking in my...
the insides
i looked inside, and found hostility.
i tried saving someone who didn’t want to be saved.
thats was my mistake.
you opened my rib cage and found emptiness.
you tried loving someone who had no heart.
thats was your mistake.
The eyes are the mirror of the soul
I like looking people in the eyes. It helps me notice things that others usually glance over. Such as the tinted color and specks of green or blue, that you don’t really catch by looking at a person quickly. I can sense inner struggles and pain, and maybe a lie or two. I like looking people in their eyes because its far more personal. Its as if i was staring into the depths of their souls,...
Its 32 til midnight
I used to know what it felt like to dance in the rain. I used to know what it felt like to have the glass cut the bottom of my foot. I used to know what it was like for someone to say they were there for me.
lover loved lost
They asked me to write a love story. The tale of two lovers; him and I. I sat motionless in front of the computer screen for hours. I finally gave up; you see if i had written anything it would have been a lie. Instead they pointed fingers and called me a liar. “How could you not have been in love?”, they wonder. You see, I’ve been to young and have sheltered my heart too much...
1 tag
you were always there for me.
consumed
i’m fading in more ways than i’m aware of. right now i feel consumed. i have no time for anything. my life is just going and going, sometimes too fast to grasp on to anything good. too fast to hold people closely, to let people in, to make my relationships with those i love stronger and better. i’m consumed; and evidently i’m going to lose everything i care for, i just know...
almost gone
i had a dream in which you were going away, and i cried. i couldn’t help it. everyones going somewhere, we all are, i realized that this morning. summer’s coming soon and once September hits you’ll be gone. i’m happy for you, but it also makes me sad. i won’t have no one to talk to me at midnight when i’m upset. i won’t have no one to make me feel safe...
10pm blues
I’ve been working on writing you a poem; about love, and the heartbreak surrounding it. My words are meaningless compared to yours; i think you deserve much more. I’ve been thinking of painting you a lovely image on a canvas full of vibrant colors; of places we visited together and those we planned to go to. But i don’t think i have enough oil paint to design the masterpiece that...
1 tag
the man i am <3
“You cut up a thing that’s alive and beautiful to find out how it’s alive and why...”
– Clive Barker (via obscureandoffbeatcinema)
strangers
I have this connection with strangers. I just seem to share others pain, i’m not blessed. I’m no good. I just seem to click with them, i am able to comprehend why they do what they do. It’s funny, because some of my closest confidants are friends that i will some day meet, but haven’t met yet. I don’t expect any of my readers to understand this. Its so true when...
@teddyfaley:
@nennniii: @teddyfaley:
@nennniii:
I don’t like you. well I like you. you big meanie. omg well I like your music! I still have an email saved from you. You sent me butterfly wings and I played it non stop hands down the best reply to being called a ‘meanie’ in the history of mean-ness. You win at life miss. Thank you very very much.
Dear self,
Some days are so damn depressing. I can’t possibly believe its been years since I found out this stupid white lie.Thinking about November is always stormy. It is filled with memories I wish i could evade. I know i can’t. Not today, not ever. Finding out this secret is possibly one of the most painful things that could have happened to me. It’s quite absurd that now, I must also...
