July 2010
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Can i just keep sitting here hiding from the world forever? It is so easy for people to comment on my life, but no one really has an idea of how much i cover up.I don’t feel like waking up tomorrow or ever again.
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“I find myself in love racing the Earth”
– jon Mclaughlin
Empty spaces and broken glass
its been four months since we last had any type of contact. its been seven since we actually had a conversation.
and next month it will be a year since you left. i shouldn’t care but i do, its impossible to just wake up one morning and forget you and pretend like the three years we shared never happened. like they didn’t mean shit. like you leaving left me whole; it didn’t.
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inside my mind everything is a hurricane
Sitting alone with so much time and little to do really puts me on an edge. I get so wrapped up in my head, like piles and piles of memories, worries and just thought come cascading upon me. Too much time, means more to time to worry and less time to act. Sitting alone brings about the most vulnerable side of me, because its only then when i’m allowed to break, and cry, and shout if i want...
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Each breath that you take has a thunderous sound....
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Whats the simplest way to tell someone you love...
i suppose there’s never a good time, there’s never a right time.
things like that don’t exist in the real world, do they?
they’re just supposed to know.
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On the floor of this prison.
Honestly, the only thing worth looking forward is leaving this place. This shit hole where i’m restrained from everything, where i always have to be the one to fix things.Where i always have to take the blame for others, where i always just stay in the same place and watch my life pass me by. This place , this city, is filled with horrible memories, and all i can think about is leaving. I...
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You want to sink, so I’m going to let you
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unions
Its really crazy to be sitting here and finding out that so many of my old friends, and classmates are pregnant,engaged or married. Most of them haven’t even hit 20 yet. Its quite crazy to see actually, because these are are people whom i grew up with. They all feel they are ready to make these huge commitments, cut back on some goals in order to make their love lives priority. I totally...
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“You like someone who can’t like you back because unrequited love can be...”
– John Green (Will Grayson, Will Grayson)
This is why it's stupid.
jadedmira:
Because at times I can’t stand to talk to you, can’t bring myself to tell you things like I used to, can’t get a smile to seem real enough for both our sakes. But the moment I see you sad, see you with less than a smile, I feel like such a bitch for not helping you sooner, for letting you get to that state. Seems all I really want is for you to smile. And wish you could do so...
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the moon doesn't seem as bright
i miss us.
everyday i feel more distant from the two crazy teenagers we were last summer.
i told you everything.
my secrets.
my fears.
my past.
and you were only a stranger.
and you’re almost gone.
thats my new secret, fear and concern.
i know we have spoken about this way too much.
i know when the time comes i’m going to have to be strong.
i feel like such a bad bestfriend...
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the monsters in my head are real
i have this stupid reoccurring dream, he always wins. i’m not exactly sure if all the blood on the ground is mine. if its from him beating me constantly,and him touching me where he shouldn’t. i scream and no one listens. i cry as i try and fight him, but its no use. i never win.
never.
it feels too real.
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Well you sipped from her cup but you don't own up...
I think we both just are too caught in moments that we cannot get out of.
I hope you’re right.
Eat your fucken words, i dare you to tell me to my face that i don’t give a shit.
Don’t say i didn’t try.
Because if i told you the honest to God reason as to why things have to be this way, it would change your whole perspective of me.
But i like giving people what they ask...
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My body rejects everything including you.
Things have begun to feel different here, at least that’s what I get from all this. Moments become to bitter to handle; situations are growing old and tiring. To the point in which I cannot keep a good head on my shoulders anymore. Things are meant to change and feel different, I understand that. The more that I second guess myself, with all this, the more I realize that perhaps I am...
in case of a zombie attack i will declare my...
crushes:
pants,
i think i fell for you, and in case of a zombie attack, i hope i’m near you, and i hope it brings us close, and i hope we have to repopulate the earth just you and me. and i hope you’re up for it.
— anonymous
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And I wish that my condition was new but I'm old...
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the spaces between the notes and curl my back to loneliness. Music will continue to be my refuge, it is about the only thing accompanying me for several weeks now. I feel as if something is missing, and perhaps its more of a someone. An empty spot next to me, thats has yet to be filled. As soon as someone attempts to fill the void i cut their strings, as...
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Lazy day and night
I’ve been here laying doing nothing but reading old posts on my blog, posts i saved from my old blog, rereading matty’s blog. I cant wait to get this medication over with. Four more days and my life will be somewhat back to normal. The end of this prescription means a start for a new treatment. I suppose i should shut up and be grateful instead of complaining. But quite honestly, these...
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the skin i am in
I don’t take much into consideration when people preach to me about my eating habits or my body. Do you honestly think i don’t know its unhealthy? Its a way of life, and this is how i choose to live. I’m tired of receiving shit from people. I cannot change how i feel, i cannot stop. I go through stages of binging, eating because i am upset, eating because i am bored and because i...
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another night like yesterdays
babyruthlesss:
i’m sick of feeling ugly, i’m sick of feeling disgusting, i’m sick of feeling unworthy and fed up and sad and used and i’m sick of feeling like i’m always going to feel like this unless some huge change occurs in my life which i cannot control
isn’t it funny how i can vent to hundreds of strangers via this site, but not to my closest friends?
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“Wake, Baby, wake but leave that blanket around you there is no where as safe,...”
– conor oberst
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the little girls we used to be have grown up
The only people that have watched me grow since were only little girls have been my two cousins who grew out to be like the sisters i never had. We have cried together, laughed, and argued. None of the bad moments can ever surpass the good ones we’ve had. Its like they’ve always just been there, and we’ve watched each other change, we’ve helped pick each other up off the...
sometimes i get so sick of myself that i sleep for hours. i isolate myself so others won’t get sick of me as well. i play music that speaks out to me, because music is the only thing that has always stood by me. i starve myself to feel my gut yearning for something. at least then i have something else to desire, something else that make my bones hurt as much as you do. its a matter of...
i’ll tell you what the end of the world will be... →
it will be a final moment, both terrible and heartbreaking. absolute chaos. people running as fast as they ever have, cars filling every road and freeway, phone lines backed up trying to process millions of calls, fingers flying over keyboards, thumbs texting like rapid fire, long lines of people trying to cram themselves into subways and airplanes. all of them trying to tell someone else,
...
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It's still a question of how long it can hold.
Sometimes i find it easier to not go in search of things, because sometimes not knowing is easier than knowing the truth. That truth is sometimes to hard tot take in, to hard to carry over ones shoulders like a burden. It is said that knowing things will make you crazy, knowing this, but still half the time i cannot manage to stand around with my hands crossed hoping the solution to my problems...
