October 2010
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Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller...
September 2010
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scattered
I hate instances where one word, or one chain of thought leads to another and then that triggers an even more awkward or depressing thought.
I don’t like when people make comments on certain subjects and act as if they know what its like to be in that position. No one does, unless you’ve been in it and even if you have been; it doesn’t make you an expert.
Own up to your own...
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in pursuit of happiness
I have spent this whole day thinking about shit i have to do. Things i have to accomplish and things i left unfinished. These past two days have been painful yet, encouraging. Its mended my relationship with my mother in ways i didn’t think possible. The way she hugged me in her arms and cried with me left me speechless, especially since i would never cry in front of her no matter how bad...
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dug deep
You tell me you can fall in love with me and my heart freaks out because i don’t recall feeling this connected to anyone in a long time. Everyday you get better at deciphering me, helping me tear down barriers and slowly losing the fear of being hurt. We laugh and joke about idealization and our fantasies. We share our dreams and goals and talk about futures where things are nothing like...
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And I’m waiting, waiting, For the sun to come...
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Thursday thought
Its really unbelievable how things can be alright one moment and when we least expect it things crumble. While i’m enjoying my day and living it filled simultaneously with the same routine over and over, my friend lays in a hospital bed battling for her life. The moments we should be valuing we hardly ever do. We rather spend time with friends, partying it up and living as if we will live...
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i only pack the things i need.
“I hated myself for going, why couldn’t I be the kind of person who stays?”
The hard cold truth is i’m never the one who truly stays. I pick at things like symbols and clues, little things that people overlook but hold much significance to me. The truth is i have to feel safe in order to be here. Security is a big issue for me, and i don’t mean this in a financial sense. I want...
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my monday rant
i feel like shit.
my body is exhausted, my brain is exhausted and i feel completely restless.
i’m usually a seven to eight hour sleep person, but ever since the semester began i barely manage to squeeze in five hours at most.
i drink coffee and tea like its my religion and it still feels as if its not enough to keep me going.
i can’t even starve properly because there are moments...
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better people,us two.
i want to be a better person for you.
i’d like to share my secrets, uncertainties, and fears with you.
i’d like to tell you what i like and what i hate and not so you can please me but so you can understand me.
i want to snuggle in bed with you, pull the sheets over us and when it gets too cold have you caress and hold me tightly as if the world can crumble down and it would be okay...
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bruised
he kissed her on the cheek.
she stole his heart with one glance.
kiss me.
kiss me.
she whimpered as he wiped the tears with his hands.
he traced her face with his fingertips.
he had a scar on his finger but it won’t be the only one.
kiss me.
he never built the courage.
she left.
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don't wake me i plan on sleeping in
often times, i just want to hide behind a huge blanket and make believe that i’m invisible. i’d like to just lay there in complete and utter silence away from all the racket. ask myself the question.
what am i doing?
what am i doing.
doing.
nothing.
i want to lay in bed and hibernate under the sheets and sleep away my sadness, my fears, my uncertainties.
squeeze my pillow...
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“If you go home with someone, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ‘em.”
– John Waters (via jaredgeller)
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a message in a bottle
I always wonder why people are so afraid to set free, including myself. What are we scared of? Why can’t we just say no or anything at all. The things I should say I’m never any good at doing so. It’s ruined so many things for me and continues to do so. I am afraid of the consequence that comes along with the risk. I know I need to change it but it becomes a lot harder in the...
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My Reasons
dearoldlove:
For all that I said, wrote and did, I am sorry. I had my reasons, but I couldn’t see how lame they were at the time.
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fuck that,
today was a day where i had the most intense conversations that just made me question where the real me went.
the girl i know would lift her middle finger up at the entire world and with her head up high would face whats in front of her.
i wonder when things fell apart.
when did i change.
because now its beyond looking in the mirror and not recognizing whats on the surface.
i’m...
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just a meaningless rant.
i’ve been sick all weekend. i have a cold that doesn’t go away, i finally got my period again due to my medication and i’ve been feeling pretty uncertain and weary. my trip to LA was like a doctor visit quick but somewhat got something unexpected out of it. my cousin’s wedding was amazing no doubt and i’m really glad she’s married to the love of her life....
Nothing Sober
dearoldlove:
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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are you afraid of being alone, cause I am.
my days are filled with markings for everyday in my planner. i like to keep myself busy in order to escape the emptiness, in order to primarily focus on one goal. its always the same. goals and more goals and the desire is never filled, never satisfied because i know that if i wasn’t so afraid i’d ask for more. if i wasn’t such a coward i’d say fuck the boxes filled with...
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you know what i love?
the sound of your voice when we talk after you just woke up.
i love the way your hair sits perfectly and yet, so messy on your head.
i love the way you write things for me and mail them when there’s easier ways to reach me like a txt or email.
i love the way we can just sit and stare and you say you love my big dark eyes and i blush; i’d kill for a pair of your perfect green eyes.
...
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Nightmares
you let me sink, in my nightmare last night. you were standing there, watching as he beat me until I bled, watching as he teared my clothing from my body. you stood and let it happen. my cries for help were useless and my vulnerability increased. in the end you walked away like many have before. he took control over me, he won. you turning your back on me hurt more than being raped.
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a thousand reasons why I don't believe in you
at times i really would appreciate if you could take into consideration the words you use, the things you say and in the tone you say them to me. i may act like i don’t care, like they don’t portray to me but at the end of the day i’m left thinking about the kind of person i am. how much do you really care? you lift me up and put me down the next;yet, i’m supposed to just...
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draft
i’ve been meaning to write but i hardly have any time lately.
adding to the whole part, where i can never word myself correctly.
i have something i’ve been needing to share; something to tell you but to talk about it would have me in tears.
it would be as sad as watching a kitten being slaughtered.
its too messy and too painful, indeed quick.
there are just thing, words, feelings,...
