March 2011
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some days i just want to feel the way i did two...
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in the matter of two weeks my father had a stroke, my aunt had a heart attack/ heart surgery and my grandma was hospitalized for pneumonia. i am extremely grateful everyone’s alive and that they have managed to recover almost fully. death and sickness has this way of coming when we least expect it. so where am i; i was seen for chronic stress adding to bill number four i owe as a result of...
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February 2011
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Counting days
Day one, binging until my stomach can no longer store anything else. Mediocre hours of sleep, and negativism at it’s fullest. Day two, an empty stomach, nothing other than tea and toast. I sleep life away and never have to wake up. Activities include reading and writing, solitary actions, disconnecting myself from the world. Trying to control things around me but feeling much to vulnerable...
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do you ever stop to think that maybe if you asked i would have said yes? that perhaps, we’d both stop running from the truth by now. that we’d stop sleeping around trying to find each other in someone else’s bed? that we were just kids still time and time ago, and we have aged and learned: never make the same mistake twice. maybe it wasn’t a mistake, maybe it was the...
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ode-to-the-modernman-deactivate asked: I adore your blog so much, so much. Your writing is brilliant, really and you are such a beautiful soul, inside and out.
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the most awkward thing is ever running into you. the moment in which our eyes meet and my mind replays old times; you and i at the shoreline, the way you held me when i cried, and how we’d wrestle and made love afterwards. except you glance down at the floor while my heart is pounding hoping you’d at least smile for a change, instead your eyes are fixed on the cold ground and you give...
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notes
i think i hate the sound of a million people chattering their lives away in a classroom. meanwhile, all i do is sit here in silence, and i’m not even the anti social type in fact, i’m pretty talkative if i feel comfortable. most of the time i don’t. my pen clicks away, and my stomach is focused on the hunger. hunger from the lack of aliment, hunger for knowledge and power and...
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laddertospace:
I don’t want to think of him today, nor write of him. I don’t want to relive times in which he filled; I don’t want to wish he was here. Today, I just want to be me, me alone, the me I was before I ever saw him.
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i can’t seem to function properly. my heart stops. my brain can’t process. my body aches. i have become nothing.
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prisoner of words
We fell for each others words. And for the longest time I’ve thought words are enough to move people into ecstacy. That they’re enough when whispered so delicately in your ear. That words are enough to tell people how they mean the world to you. And people cry, laugh, and smile over words that dance around in notebook pages and blank screens.
I even thought I fell in love through...
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i have always been the one watching other people profess their love for each other.
and hoping to make everyone as happy as i can even when i’m sitting here watching my own life pass me by and feeling my heart thud and break.
i don’t like being on the losing end but when it comes to love, i’ve never won.
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here you have it.
i will never understand how you can tell someone you love them when you deliberately lie to their face as you utter those words, and those words start losing their value. how you can have one person and another at the same time and have them both convinced that they’re the one for you, and you will never do anything to hurt them. they believe all the bullshit you feed them, and you continue...
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just a few days ago i had convinced myself that it was time for a break. that i needed to go away for a while and reinvent myself and my life. i constantly think about what it would it be like if i just pack my bags one day and never look back. i think about it a lot and often, in fact. maybe i’d just leave to work someday, and just never return. start a new life in a new country. change my...
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ode-to-the-modernman-deactivate asked: I prefer beach weddings, but however you want to set this up is fine with me :) I love your blog by the way <3
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a love for hire
here you have me.
i’m slowly consuming every bit inside me. i’m burning it to ashes, and part of me is sitting and allowing it to happen, while the other part has no fucken idea what to do. i have 55 bucks for 2 weeks. a pack of capris, because smoking has become my antisocial act. a bottle of pinot. a heart on my sleeve, waiting to be snatched away by whomever wants to keep me...
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to answer some of the questions you had.
this blog was supposed to be a continuation of a previous blog, and i guess at that point in life i was at a transitional stage. things change rapidly around here, sometimes this change brings about consequences that can stand at either end of the spectrum as good or bad. it’s not about one person but a series of people. not all is real and i like to think it’s semi fiction....
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play-list 0211
haven’t taken the time to do this as often as before but here are the songs:
body pillow by atmosphere
i need a doctor by eminem ft dre
someone like you by adele
if you run by the boxer rebellion
i’m not yours by angus and julia stone
dark-skinned white girls by murs
growing apart by kendrick lamar
comfort by green or blue
high & low by holly brook
beautiful love by the...
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Dear Followers,
I don’t usually do this but my inbox is now accepting anything you’d like to share. Any questions you may have about this blog, or myself. Love letters and concerns are also welcomed.
I’m also encouraging you to send me one-three word themes or ideas that pop into your head for future writing possibilities.
I don’t guarantee EVERYTHING will be posted.
But it will be...
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7:16 pm
I’m laying in total darkness when dad comes in and pulls the covers off my head. He places my mail on my desk. He gives me a kiss on the cheek -and asks why I came home so bummed out and upset today. He asked if I wanted to talk or if anything in particular happened.
I said I was just tired.
And he said okay.
He doesn’t believe me.
So he asked if I wanted to join him and mom for dinner because...
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androssity-deactivated20111025 asked: I always enjoy your playlist on your tumblr
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I’ve been genuinely happy today. No reason in particular but today had a good vibe despite being at work and having shit go wrong. I don’t think I let it get to me. I hope this is a turning point. I like happy. And besides I don’t want my readers to think I’m just an emotional wreck twenty four seven. I’m not. I just like to think I feel things and write them how they...
purplepalisades asked: I've only gone through the first few pages, but I love your writing!! :)