And I don’t owe you shit.
So for the hundredth time;
Stay the fuck out of my decisions.
Stay the fuck out of my body.
Let me decide for myself what I want.
I don’t owe you anything, so stop trying to make me feel guilty and accountable.
Let me live without restraint!
These meds make me nauseous.
They also make me want to fucken eat everything i see.
I need to exercise more and eat less, and drink less.
This is my weight concern post. I need to lose weight because I don’t feel comfortable in my skin.
And this isn’t a stupid “I am so fat” post.
Like, I really need to do this for myself in order to be healthy physically and mentally.
I wouldn’t say necessarily death, but I suppose it is a common theme in my writing. I tend to not write much happy poems or pieces in general. Mainly, because I write when something bugs me or I have something I need to share. I write based on observation/ experience, so those last two pieces were things I saw/ heard this past week and I wanted to let it out. I don’t know if it makes any sense, I am trying my best to explain how things play in my head.
We are curious beings, wondering things like: How long does it take before you hit rock bottom? Will it hurt? How high is the jump? If I die, will you tell them, I loved them? And we watched videos all night of people jumping off buildings, in front of trains, off moving cars, and off bridges. We watched in amazement, like we discovered a new sick way to torture our souls with such pleasurable ideas of death. We want them to wonder where they went wrong, if we thought of them last before we made the decision. They will say things like: They will hold us in their prayers. That we were selfish. And we will know we have already won. With a smirk on our face we will hold hands, and jump into the abyss. And we will win because we will finally be free.
Are atheists necessarily bad, immoral or “different” people? Or should the religious preference, or non-preference, of a candidate not be a consideration for voters?...Would you vote for an atheist for president?
It would be nice to see a president who didn’t hold the traditional belief as all the rest. I don’t see atheism to be immoral. I personally don’t practice a certain religion. I think it would be pretty neat to see an atheist candidate, it would offer something totally different to political campaigns but I don’t think the USA is ready for it. But who knows, maybe they will be someday.
Everyday you make me realize more and more, that I really like you. And I am really scared to do something stupid and ruin whatever it is we have. And I’m drunk and writing this on my blog.
I just need someone to know, or at least pretend you know this.
we sit here speaking of this thing that we read somewhere on the paper last monday. this thing has been the best kept secret, the most guarded secret ever confessed to a priest. this secret wraps itself around my tongue, trying to make it’s way out but never really being able to unwrap itself. i am sorry for being so broken. forgive me, for carrying this weight on my shoulders and not being able to chase after you, but this secret is weighing me down. it’s shackles wraps around my ankles, the anchor is sinking me down into a sea of shame. i don’t like hiding it, but i convey it well. i don’t think i can sit here and pretend it never happened to me anymore. you already know, but you are afraid to ask. this is the pink elephant in the room, stop pretending you didn’t know i was already this broken, i will tell you the whole truth if you promise not to tell anyone.
it has officially been 19 years since i first stepped on US soil. i was two years old, brought on the back of my mother and father through the desert like many of mi gente. i don’t remember this, any of it because i only remember things from a little before i was five and we lived in a crummy 2 bedroom apartment with four other families. i don’t regret being here. i don’t give a fuck what people think of me, or of many of the people who come to the United States in search of freedom, life, and change. i was reminded today of what my purpose in life is, and how much i value everything that i have been blessed with: my education, my family, and having food on the table. i am not ashamed, and i am not afraid. i am thankful that this long and very rough fucken struggle has been worth every last bit so far. i say this proud because i graduated college yesterday and will now be doing better things in SF. i know this is only the beginning of another journey, and i am ready. i’m not ashamed and i am not afraid and i hope anyone who has ever been or is in this position, never feels less about themselves. we are in this together. luchen por sus sueños, it will be worth it in the end.
do you think same sex marriage is an appropriate area of government concern, in the context of separation of church and state?
i find it 100% appropriate for the state to allow marriage to happen between same sex couples with the same rights as heterosexual couples. that would be the just and equal thing to do. everyone has a different belief when it comes to religion, fuck i would love if religions were to allow it, but religion is an iffy topic for me. if the church wants to marry same sex couples so be it, it’s not degrading anyone else if they do just like it doesn’t degrade anyone else’s marriage if same sex couples have a civil marriage. i just feel that the government is playing business with the whole thing, and they need to stop making heterosexual couples eligible for entitlements. there is not institution that ever legitimizes a marriage i think everyone and their partner does that for themselves. it’s stupid that a majority always argues and decides over a minorities rights, it doesn’t make sense to me.
And I am excited to put a good end to things as excited to receive whatever is in store for me with open arms. It’s been a roller coaster filled with a lot of growing up with good and bad times. This chapter has been closed.
You are the thunderstorm in mid July.
The empty bottle of champagne on a wedding day.
You are the crack in the mirror,
The shake in my voice.
You are everything broken and beautiful on this earth and I love every single thing about you.